Squirting has become one of those topics that seems to sit somewhere between curiosity, fascination, and pressure.

For some women it is something they have experienced and want to understand more about, while for others it can feel like this mysterious thing that everyone else seems to be talking about.

Add in social media, pornography, and endless advice on how to make it happen, and it's easy to start wondering whether squirting is something you should be aiming for, or whether you're somehow missing out if it hasn't happened for you.

The truth is that squirting is still not fully understood, even within the scientific world.

Researchers continue to debate exactly where the fluid comes from and what it contains, but what we do know is that it is a real physical response that some women experience during sexual arousal and pleasure.

What we don't know is why some women experience it frequently, why others experience it occasionally, and why many women never experience it at all.

What I think is most important, however, is understanding what squirting isn't.

Squirting is not a measure of pleasure

Somewhere along the way, squirting became wrapped up in the idea of sexual success. It became something to achieve, something to unlock, or even something to prove.

Yet when we look at women's experiences, the reality is far more varied than that.

Many women describe squirting as pleasurable. Others describe it as surprising. Some enjoy it and actively welcome it, while others feel completely indifferent to it.

There are women who have deeply satisfying, connected and pleasurable sex lives without ever squirting, just as there are women who squirt regularly.

Pleasure has never been measured by a particular response from the body.

It isn't measured by how loud someone is, how intense an orgasm feels, how many orgasms happen, or whether squirting occurs. Pleasure is personal, and it looks slightly different for every body.

Squirting and orgasm are not the same thing

This is perhaps one of the biggest misconceptions surrounding squirting.

Many assume that squirting is simply a bigger orgasm, a stronger orgasm, or proof that an orgasm has happened.

Yet research and women's experiences tell a much more interesting story.

Some women squirt during orgasm. Some squirt before orgasm. Some squirt after orgasm. Some squirt and never reach orgasm at all.

This is one of the reasons I think the conversation around squirting can sometimes become unhelpful.

When we focus too much on the outcome, we can begin treating squirting as the destination rather than paying attention to the actual experience of pleasure, arousal, connection and sensation that is happening along the way.

Why does it feel like you need to pee?

If you've ever experienced the sensation of squirting, or felt as though it might happen, you'll probably understand why this question comes up so often.

One of the most common descriptions women give is a feeling of pressure or fullness that can feel remarkably similar to needing the toilet. In fact, many women stop themselves from letting go because they genuinely believe they are about to urinate.

This is often where anxiety enters the experience. The mind becomes involved. The body starts questioning what is happening. Embarrassment creeps in. Muscles tighten. Attention shifts away from pleasure and onto control.

Yet for many women who do experience squirting, the moment itself is often described as surprisingly involuntary.

Rather than consciously deciding to make it happen, it feels more like something the body does when arousal, stimulation and relaxation come together in a particular way.

Not every body responds in the same way

One of the things I love about exploring intimacy is that there are very few universal experiences.

Some find that pressure inside the vagina, particularly along the front wall, creates sensations that feel linked to squirting.

Others find that external stimulation around the clitoris is enough.

Some notice it with a particular partner.

Others discover it during solo exploration.

There isn't one technique that works for everyone because there isn't one version of pleasure that works for everyone.

The more we understand this, the less pressure there is to follow somebody else's map and the easier it becomes to listen to our own body instead.

When squirting becomes another thing to achieve

I think this is where many people become stuck.

We live in a world where intimacy is often presented as a series of milestones.

Have an orgasm.

Have multiple orgasms.

Learn a new technique.

Squirt.

Last longer.

Do more.

Before long, what began as an experience becomes a performance.

The irony is that many of the things people chase most intensely in intimacy tend to happen when we stop chasing them. When we feel safe enough to relax, present enough to notice sensation, and curious enough to explore without demanding a particular outcome, the body often responds in ways that surprise us.

That doesn't mean squirting will happen.

It also doesn't mean it needs to.

Final Thoughts

If there is one thing I would love you to take away from this, it is that squirting is simply one possible response within a much larger landscape of pleasure.

For some it may become part of their experience. For others it won't. Neither is better. Neither is more evolved. Neither tells us anything meaningful about someone's ability to experience pleasure or connection.

Instead of asking, "How do I make myself squirt?" perhaps the more interesting question is, "How can I become more present with what my body is already feeling?"

Because when we move away from performance and towards curiosity, we often discover that pleasure has been there all along, waiting for us to pay attention to it.

Thank you for reading and allowing yourself to explore something new.

If you’d like to continue exploring at your own pace, you can discover the full collection of Explore More Intimacy Guides — created to support confidence, connection, and ease in your intimate life:

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Inside you’ll find the podcast, exclusive content, bonus audios, and private reflections — along with the Complete Intimacy Guide Library, where members can explore the full collection of guides in one place.

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Keep exploring with curiosity and confidence.